Are You Needy?

Needy 2

By Lynette Lewis

I’ve been pondering this concept again lately….how some women (men too) are just needy, and how truly unattractive it really is.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not being critical or judgmental here, I actually love encouraging people to work through their needyness to a place of wholeness.  But often this process starts with a recognition of those traits that indicate unhealthy tendencies.

Signs you’re too needy include:

1. You choose being with others over being alone, nearly every time

2. You tend to be a serial dater,  preferring being in a relationship vs. waiting for one

3. You are willing to live with a guy before you’re married (sorry girls, this really IS a sign of needyness, for both parties)

4. You tend to be anxious or uncomfortable when you’re apart from the person you’re interested in

5. You feel insecure when someone you love is spending time with someone else

6. If the person you’re interested in gets a text from someone you don’t know, you are concerned vs. just inquisitive

7. You have no problem changing your interests or personality to be more like the person you want to be with

8. You are certain the person you like is going to make a deeper commitment soon, even though you’ve been waiting much longer than you thought you would

The list could go on, but you get the drift here.  Interestingly, my 5th grade niece was discussing this concept with me last night over pizza, describing the popular girls at school saying, “If you take away their looks, their friends, their sense of belonging to the popular group, what do they have left? They don’t know who they are, what they like, or where they want to go to college.”

Sadly, the path toward needyness begins early, BUT the good news is no one has to stay that way!  You’re designed for a purpose uniquely yours, and moving out in that identity draws more people to you than you can imagine.  This anonymous excerpt I found on the internet seems to sum it up well…

Realize that your life does not revolve around a person and that no one person can possibly give you purpose in life. Try to develop your own sense of self, interests and activities. This will prevent you from smothering the other person. Give them space and see what happens. The thing about human nature is that we tend to want that which is hard to come by and tend to be repelled by that which we cannot escape. When you are needy, you put the person you want to be with in a position where he/she cannot escape you – no matter what they do. This makes you incredibly unattractive to them. On the other hand, when you are confident, have a life and seem relaxed, you become much more attractive to people.

Go after personal wholeness until you’ve got it. We all have needs, but we don’t need to be needy!


Lynette Lewis is an author, business consultant and an inspiring speaker. Her popular book, Climbing the Ladder in Stilettos, has been published in several languages receiving recognition from numerous sources including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Post, and The Dallas Morning News.  She is also an author of a relationships book called Remember the


Are you needy?
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