Friday’s Funny Roast 4

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Its Friday and its time for some laughter!  “A merry heart does good, like medicine.” Here are some funny quotes to start your weekend!

A married couple were arguing who is making the coffee, the wife said that in the Bible it says that men should make the coffee and the husband asked her where it said that. The wife opened the Bible and said: “Right here in HEBREWS!” –

A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries. “No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

A man is talking to God. “God, how long is a million years?” God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.” “God, how much is a million dollars?” “To me, it’s a penny.” “God, may I have a penny?” “Wait a minute.” –

A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.—George Burns ( – church chuckle)

The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children’s Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story. Little Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman. The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve. Little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. “Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!” –

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. “The Lord heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat!’ ” she began. “Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month—until you loathe it.” – When the woman finished, she paused, looked up, and said, “Hey, isn’t that the Atkins diet?”

Q: What did the banana say to the doctor ?  A: “I’m not peeling well.”

Have a great weekend everyone. For more wholesome entertainment, be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!


Friday’s Funny Roast 4

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