Friday’s Funny Roast 5

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Its Friday and its time for some laughter!  “A merry heart does good, like medicine.” Here are some funny quotes to start your weekend!

A family was having guests to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and says, “Dear, would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” shyly replies the little girl. “Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie.” Her daughter takes a deep breath, bows her head, and solemnly says, “Dear Lord, why the heck did I invite all these people to dinner?”

Just changed my facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see a stupid post I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’

Q: How do you make holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it!

Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? A: An ambulance.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.

Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” A: “You can’t tuna fish.”

Just changed my facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see a stupid post I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’

If con is the opposite of pro, it must mean that congress is the opposite of progress?

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

Q: What do you call sad coffee?” A: Despresso.

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “He sure did honey, a long time ago,” replies her grandpa. “Well, did God make me?” asks the little girl. “Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago,” answers her grandpa. “Boy,” says the little girl, “He’s sure doing a lot better job these days, isn’t He?”

Q: Why do bicycles fall over? A: Because they are two-tired!

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Some of the jokes from and

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Friday’s Funny Roast 5

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