By Lindsey Isham
It is not easy getting asked out by a single, eligible, responsible, good looking man… especially when that man is SHY!
Call me crazy, but I still believe that men should pursue women, not the other way around.
This concept is difficult for women to grasp, especially if you have any of the Type A personality traits like I do.
This is how it starts out:
1. You see a good-looking guy.
2. You smile and make eye-contact from across the room – hoping he will get the hint and come over and talk to you.
3. He doesn’t get the hint (You make the excuse that he is probably just really shy) and you realize you are NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER, so instead you ask him out (because you think you have nothing to lose).
4. He either says “yes” or “no”. If he says “yes” you probably spend the majority of the relationship wondering if he really likes you, or if it is just “convenient” to be with you.
*Yes I understand the above statements are a generalization, but I wrote it because the majority of the time it is true*
Do you think guys like getting rejected? Nope.
Do you think they get nervous asking girls out? Yep.
But just because it is scary, nerve-racking, or intimidating to walk up to a woman and ask her to dinner (especially if he is shy), it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t happen.
Guys mature into men in many different ways, one way is through their relationship with women.
Ladies- Let guys be men. Let them initiate. Let them take risks and when you do, they will become the kind of man you are praying you will one day marry.
They will gain self confidence and the adreniline pumps through their blood every time they get ready to call a girl or ask a pretty woman out… this is normal, so let the normal process happen by stepping out of the way.
Here are 5 Ways to Help You Get Asked Out by a Shy Guy:
1. Do you Look Dateable? Appearance is the first thing a guy notices about you, and since you never know where you will meet your future husband, always dress to “impress.”
Also, a note about purity rings, when I am in a relationship with a man, I wear my purity ring on my ring-finger (my left hand), but when I am single/dateable, I wear it on my right hand. If guys look at you then see your purity ring on the “wedding ring-finger” they will most likely keep their distance.
2. Body Language: 80% of communication is non-verbal, what are you saying through your body language and is it saying, “Hi” or “Leave me alone?” If you frequent coffee shops and always choose the same chair, use your laptop and your noise canceling headphones, you will probably never get asked out in that coffee shop.
If however, you are attentive to your surroundings, smile at people, chat with some close you, make eye contact with others, your body language is communicating a “non-hostile” environment and thus increasing your chances of getting asked out.
3. What is your response? Since I suggest that women don’t make the first move, I instead suggest that they develop the art/skill of responding to men who do initiate.
Since we understand that it takes a lot of courage for a guy to ask a girl out, when they put forth the slightest effort, it helps alleviate some of their stress if we respond in a welcoming/friendly way. I am not suggesting you lean over and kiss the guy – don’t get crazy on me- but I am suggesting you help him with the conversation.
For example, say a guy has the guts to walk over and start talking to me (either about a subject I like or don’t like), it is always polite for me to engage in the conversation.
Remember, sometimes you have to talk about nothing before you talk about something!
What I mean is this, sometimes you will talk about surface level stuff like the coffee, your favorite drink, the weather, whatever… before you can expect to have a deeper conversation with him. So ladies, help him out a little!
4. Don’t be too quick to judge: Even if you think he is cute from a distance, or just “okay” looking, give the guy a shot. Don’t be too quick to judge him and always be friendly.
5. Be patient! We want love and we want it NOW! But this is not how love works. If you know a guy at church, Bible study, work, etc. and you truly think they are a catch… BE PATIENT! We don’t ever like to hear the word “wait” especially when it comes to relationships, but I keep deferring back to I Corinthians 13:4 which says, “Love is patient.”
One definition for the word “patient” is: long suffering. When you think you can wait no longer for that guy to ask you out, check back with God and see what He is telling you. He will either tell you to keep waiting, or He will bring someone else along and you won’t think about that other guy anymore.
Lindsey Nicole Isham is a national speaker and author of the book No Sex in the City, the brutally honest and often hilarious story of Lindsey’s quest for sexual purity in the face of a sexually-saturated society. Lindsey is a 33-year-old relationship guru, the ultimate girly-girl, and a PR junky. Read more about her at lindseyisham.com, or follow her on Facebook and Twitter.