By Victor Rodriguez
One of the reasons is that when a Christian man asks a Christian woman out, more times than not she is thinking about whether she would want to marry him or not. Why thoughts of marriage on a first date? Or worse, before there is a first date? Somehow many Christian women view dating Christian men as serious business from the start. This has happened to many Christian men I know. The thought that by asking out a Christian woman you are in a serious relationship before your dinner is even served at the restaurant is enough to frighten any man. It is somehow reminiscent of the old-fashioned courting that was done about a century ago … if you asked a woman out it meant you were serious from the get-go. That can make any guy have second thoughts about asking a Christian woman out.
My recommendation is that both men and women each face their fears and make a move of some type to indicate interest. Have fun and get to know each other. A date is just that: a date. It isn’t marriage. God wants both men and women to learn about themselves from relationships that work out, as well as those that don’t. So have fun and take the initiative … even if the man doesn’t.
Response by Trinity
I believe the real reason men hesitate in asking women out is that they don’t have the right intentions, are not sure what they want in a woman or they are just insecure about their ability to lead the woman spiritually. I have observed that Christian men have absolutely no problem dating non-Christian women, but it is more of a risk to date a Christian woman because the standards and even the stakes are higher. I have seen the crippling fear of failure that can dictate a man’s actions. I don’t want to downplay the pressure that will bring to the man. Yes, I know that 50% of marriages are ending in divorce, but don’t we serve a God much more powerful than those stats? I’ll answer that. We do! He gave us the Holy Spirit to provide the power we need to conquer our flesh and our selfish sin nature and succeed in marriage.
Our culture today seriously lacks the male mentors and role models that can show men how to navigate relationships with the opposite sex. Relationships involve responsibility and our society doesn’t teach or value that anymore. Not to mention that most young men today have watched a miserable example of marriage and divorce in their own home and they are bombarded daily with haunting messages of failure from our media and culture.
The first date SHOULD be when you are ready to spend one on one time with a person that resembles the type of individual you WOULD desire to get to know and possibly marry. To be perfectly honest, a man need not even ask a woman on a date unless he is serious about pursuing her and is honest with himself about his intentions. Then with renewed confidence in the God he serves he should take the initiative in the relationship and LEAD with integrity just the way he was created to.
Response by Cortney
In my opinion, dating is serious business. In fact, I do not think it’s worth investing one’s time or heart in a dating relationship if they do not see potential from the beginning. One element that could ease the expressed pressure on the man’s side is the pursuit of friendship between sexes. If a man doesn’t want to feel pressure to think about marriage, then he should not make a woman feel pressured by pursuing her romantically.
There is a complete void of friendships between men ad women in NY and I think that is detrimental to potential dating relationships, and yes, I will say it, to potential marriages too. One can find out almost everything they need to know about a person in an honorable friendship before they even need to pursue something further.
Lastly, I think there is an aversion to marriage from Christian men that is unhealthy and ungodly because marriage begs responsibility. The book of Proverbs is a book of wisdom, shared with the intention to admonish men to choose a life of responsibility, and it ends with the admonishment to find a noble wife. Maybe the breed of men that existed centuries ago should be revived these days…or we can stick with the tumultuous dating scene. To each his own.
Finally, I would like to share another man’s response – the man presently pursuing me: “FYI, I am serious about you, and we haven’t even gotten our food yet.” Now that is a comical response! Points for him.
Christian Men Dating Christian Womennn1