By Ruthie Dean (ruthiedean.com)
There are some days when emotions take over. I want to stomp my foot and shout like a child, “It’s not fair!”
There are far too many beautiful, incredible women (and men) wanting the right person to come along. Some are ‘putting themselves out there’, others aren’t. Some are ‘waiting on God’, others still treat sex like another run through the Starbucks drive-through. Some women are keeping an open mind, others can’t stomach the thought of a blind date.
But you know this already.
A good friend asked me the other day what I thought about the “s” word. Settling. She was debating whether or not to give a guy another chance. He felt more like a business partner than a life partner.
Should we settle for Mr. Good Enough? Are there certain cases where settling is ok, others where it isn’t? Does age play a factor?
I want to take your mind away from these questions for a brief moment, but I promise to come back and do my best to answer.
Let’s talk about the major differences between childhood experiences. Some have incredible parents and childhoods, devoid of any major struggles. Others have the opposite. Parents were cruel; childhood was marked by suffering and abuse. And then there’s everyone in between. It doesn’t seem fair that certain people have parents who attended every sporting event, and others with parents who never knew they played a sport. It’s bewildering why some children have it so easy, while others suffer. And the truth is it isn’t fair. But fair or not, it’s reality.
We all have a choice of how to respond to childhood experiences. We can allow our parents, our childhood, our upbringing to determine our future–or we can create our own path, where our experiences may be a part of our story, but don’t define us.
For better or worse, I’m starting to think it’s the same way with relationships.
Some get married to someone who fits all their criteria and have almost blissful romance, straight out of a Hallmark card. Others wait and wait for the right person to share their life with, but to no avail. Is it fair? No, but it happens.
I’m not the best person to be writing about settling for Mr. Good Enough, because Michael put a ring on my finger at age 25 and we have what some days feels like the perfect love story. But I do know about other types of suffering. Are some of the parts of my story “fair”? Certainly not. But I do know what it feels like to ask again and again, “Why me? What am I missing? When will the dark season of my life be over?”
Have you asked similar questions before?
I know couples who struggle with infertility. It isn’t fair that some women get pregnant accidentally and others spend years trying to conceive.
The truth is, some of you will get the amazing love story. Others won’t. Some will get married on your timeline, others will wait and wait. And some will get something in between–the great guy, but maybe much later than expected.
So, should you settle?
I think if he loves Jesus and there aren’t any glaring red flags, then you get to make a choice. Pray like crazy, because marriage isn’t something to enter into without feeling the weight of the decision. But, I think the Mr. Good Enoughs of the world often turn into the part of many women’s stories that they wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. We get to choose what you do with our circumstances, so for you that may be waiting for Mr. Perfect. For others, it may be doing everything possible to find a man to share your life with-someone you can grow to love. And I believe when God doesn’t make one path clear, you get to make a choice.
Should you settle for a guy that is just alright?